59-62

59.

We were never taught to breathe. It was expected.

Inhale…                                                                                                                            …Then what?

The oxygen felt like poison in my lungs as I held it in. Why did we have to breathe out? What was wrong with the oxygen that kept us alive?

Held it in…                                                                                                               …It really burns.

Why?

60.

I was born

[L][U][C][K][Y]

But I was born

[E][M][P][T][Y]

61.

Hand in hand we ran. Our tongues and lips stained red from popsicles we stole at the local drug store. We were laughing, so carefree. We fell in love under bleachers during football games and we vowed to show the other a life lived to the fullest. We fell in love with life.

62.

In the end, there was nothing I could do. There was only so much I could change. Perhaps fate exists to a degree. Whatever happens will happen. There was only the future to hope for change.

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56-58

56.

To you they were nameless.

In and out.

Would you get attached if you asked?

In and out.

Their breaths were always heavy.

In and out.

You should find love instead.

57.

What did you like more? Sex? Food? Power? Yourself? Tell me your vices, whisper them into my curious ear.

Which

sin

is

your

favorite

?

Or are you pretending they don’t exist? I want to know. We are “lovers” after all.

58.

“I want to travel.”

“Where?”

“To Paris. To the top of the Eiffel tower.”

“Why?”

“To throw myself to the ground.”

53-55

53.

She

would

add

a

dash

of

paprika

before

serving

it

all

to

us.

We

cried

when

she

left.

54.

Her house was made of gold. She wanted for nothing, except for emotional satisfaction. She stared out beyond tapestries of silver into the world outside. The world she would never see.

55.

They laughed and danced and drank. They were merry as the night wore on, savoring every moment. I had no part in it. Instead,  stood guard outside, my eyes straying to the window every once in a while to catch a glimpse of her. A girl who laughed and danced and drank and set my heart ablaze.

0.1-0.3

0.1

[How many stray thoughts can a God have?]

0.2

Where have you gone? When are you coming back? I miss you. I need you. I hate you. Stay away, stay away, don’t come near me. Don’t look at me. I am disgusting. I want to kiss you. I want to tear apart your bones. Smear my lipstick against your mouth. Rose cheeks tear stained. You’ve been gone for years, yet your spirit remains. Burning. Consuming. Eating away everything that exists. Take me away, take me away. I want to be with you. We vowed ’till death do us part’ yet you’ve gone. You should have left me at the alter.

0.3

Oh god. I’m in love.

I’m in love.

I can’t breath

 

 

 

[I think I’m dead.]

50-52

50.

“Read my cards.”

“Why?”

“I want to know.”

“Know what? That you’re the devil?”

“What?”

“You’re card. It’s the devil. You’re corruption.”

51.

They don’t live long. It’s ok that it died. It probably wasn’t very happy in a cage anyways. We’ll bury it in the backyard. Then you can get a new one. Don’t cry. I’ll make you happy again.

52.

I saw it. I swear to god I saw it. It was right there! Let me- hey! Let go! I know what I saw, so please, let me go! I said let go… Please…

47-49

47.

But we’re sinners sinners

sinners sinners sinners sinners

sinners sinners sinners sinners

[Everything is]  sinners sinners sinners sinners

[ok, ok?]       sinners sinners sinners sinners

sinners sinners sinners sinners

sinners sinners sinners sinners

48.

You said I was lost. That was why I wandered. But you were wrong. I wandered because I saw. The world is beautiful and you were wrong. There was so much to see. If only you could have believed me.

49.

I was dead. I should be dead. My body was different. Why am I breathing? I want to scream and shout and break the mirror showing me another face.

What happened?

“Who am I?”

44-46

44.

“Sing to me.”

“…You don’t want to hear me sing.”

“What? Why?”

“Just trust me. This once.”

45.

Humanity. Human. Shed your skin to become one of us. You are disgusting. A monster. Stop. Get out of the water. Be us. We are better. We are superior. You are worthless as you are. Come closer. I’ll help you tear your skin off.

46.

You said I could have asked for anything. I thought of something you could never get because I was selfish. I wanted you gone. But you went out and found it anyway. You presented me with my very own comet in a bottle with bloody hands and tired eyes. It almost made me fall in love with you.

Almost.